On beginnings.

Here's the problem with first posts: they don't mean anything. I expect neither will the next ten or so. Obviously the first few posts will suffer from a lack of experience, but that's not what I mean really. This first post (and the next few) cannot possibly guarantee that the will every be another post. Statistically speaking, I'm not altogether great at the whole starting-things-and-keeping-them-going thing, and even worse at the following-things-through-to-completion thing.

Everything starts somewhere.

So, I suppose I have to figure out what I'm doing here. A summary of who I am and a few vague guesses at the purpose of this blog will have to do for now. Who I am is a question I have taken (perhaps too) seriously for the last few years of my life. Figuring out an identity is difficult work, some might say impossible, but I've always been a fan of futile efforts. I was (am?) for the past four years a student of philosophy. This label is, however, not at all comprehensive so lets pile on a few more. I'm an introvert by nature. Left to my own devices, I might never leave my home. I do realize that I have a craving for attention though and a real need for connection to others. Hiding in my house has never lead me to a good place. I've considered myself for the last couple months to be a failed existentialist, having never really gotten past the crisis phase. Coming to terms with complete freedom is a lot of work. Also, the fact that I'm describing myself in terms of labels would probably make Sartre cough up blood. Probably in my face, just for dramatic effect. I'm a domestic environmentalist and the worst vegetarian ever. I'm a goal setter, but certainly not often a goal achiever. I like lists; I'm not exactly devoted to crossing things off of them though. I'm gay and have been in a really wonderful relationship for over a year now. In the grand timeline of my life, this label has expressed itself only in a relatively short period of my recent life. While I feel I have come to terms with it, I also just felt a shiver of sorts to say it so bluntly: "I'm gay" is a phrase that was once impossible to admit, and thus will likely always hold some sort of power over me. I'm a cat person. I'm sure a psychoanalyst could make a lot out of that point. I don't know what labels I want to keep, or which I want to add. In short, I don't really know what I want to do with my life. I've considered Librarian, Tea Master, Writer, Professor, Politician, Wandering Vagrant, Commune Hippie, and possibly a dozen more options. We'll see I guess.

This blog.

Providing that this post isn't the only one I ever make, I'm not entirely sure where this blog will head. Part personal diary, part philosophical musing space, part political soapbox: these seem likely. For all I know this could warp into a daddy-blog or become the founding document of a new religion. Hell, why not? The concept of an audience both attracts me and terrifies me. And while its more likely than not that I will be the only one to skim these posts, I feel as if the possibility of readers will completely affect the way I write. Hopefully, for the better. 

I doubt it :-P

--Kayle